i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
