he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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