i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
