Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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