dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
