can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
