I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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