i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
