We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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