I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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