i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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