So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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