I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
