All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
