i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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