If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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