I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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