I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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