I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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