So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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