Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
