About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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