Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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