I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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