What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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