shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
