Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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