We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
