You smell like stripper and shame
I wish i was in the wii world.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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