Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
