My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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