I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
