We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
