ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
