he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
