you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize