I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
