so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I could make wine with my vomit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I deserve this hangover.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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