i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
