how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
