Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His nipple licking is glorious
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