Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
