I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
