you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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