Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
