Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
