I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
