Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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