I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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