i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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