and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
