i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
